I was recently in Target with my husband and we walked through his favorite department: electronics. My nightmare begins. My husband has decided that we NEED the new iPad2. He explains all the benefits that this device will offer our family, especially me! I give him the time to explain. As he finishes I say “No.” He begins another approach: this time how it will help my business. Sneaky. But still “NO.” We are in the middle of the isle and now enter into a full-blown discussion. His position: “This will help our family.” My position: “It’s not in the budget…really NOT in the budget.” We move quickly from discussion to heated debate!
The word “no” is not just a button for children. It is a button for humans. I don’t like to be told “no.” And in this instance my husband feels the same way.
I have always done my best to give children options that revolve around what they CAN do. Over the years, many children taught me when I offer options of what they CAN do, they will move forward instead of digging their heels in to the ground.
We want to know our possibilities instead of our restrictions or limitations. We deeply want to feel the power to make all our dreams come true.
So here it is the simple, powerful, good feeling way to approach any situation you feel the need to say “No” to in a store. Take a moment to ask yourself:
- What can I say yes to? And,
- How can I empower my child to come up with a solution and let them know I believe in them?
So how would I replay Target? I would simply say “That’s a great idea babe! I know you will come up with a way to get that iPad that will work for our family! I can’t wait because it will help me so much with the business! You always seem to make things work for you. I know you will create a way to get it!”
Every time I gave the power to the child to decide, think, and dream for himself…he always rose to the occasion and actually thought of better ways to accomplish their dreams than I did.
Now imagine yourself with your child in the same store.
Same script, smaller person.
If my child asks me for something in the store – and it’s not in my budget – here is how I play it out:
“What a cool toy! I love that toy too! I didn’t plan on getting that toy today. But I know if you really want it you will come up with a way to get it! Can you think of some ways you could get that for yourself?”
If I am time starved and in a hurry, I only modify the last part. That script goes like this:
“What a cool toy! I love that toy too! I didn’t plan on getting that toy today. But I know if you really want it you will come up with a way to get it! I’ll give you some time. I’ll count to ten and if you can come up with an answer, great! If you can’t think of a way now, you can always think more about it tonight at home.”
The idea is to inspire my child to see the possibility for him to get the things he desires from various sources, or means beyond my credit card. To know that great things are always coming his way if we just open our minds to other available avenues.